New Life for a Frozen Brain

Grace to you, dear ones ~

I have spent much of the last couple of years adjusting to a new life here in Portland, Oregon.  Although it was my childhood town, I had been away for over seven years pursuing the last part of my BA and then my MA at seminary in Seattle.  The majority of my time back home was devoted to caring for my dear father as he prepared to pass from life to Life.  That transition happened this summer, the day before my birthday.  We have just passed three months since he died.

In the time since his passing, I often felt much like the walking dead.  No purpose.  No dream.  No hope for the future.  All was simply numb.  These effects of shock - which is our normal human response to the trauma of death - has only in recent weeks begun to dissipate.  My brain and emotions, it seemed, were in a cryogenic state - frozen in time at my Daddy's death bed.  Both have begun to thaw.  The time of healing has now begun.

For those of you who may be experiencing the loss of a loved one, or the deep shadows of grief as you care for an ailing parent or sibling, I write to offer you companionship.  New life, I am convinced, can be found when we tend one another's hearts.  I am here to walk beside you, accepting you with your permafrost brain, erratic emotional swings and physical aches that are a manifestation of your grief.  We will get through this together.  We will learn to live again.

"I have come that you might have life and have it to the fullest measure." -- Jesus says.

We have a promise from the Living Christ that new life is coming.  I am convinced that this is a deep, cosmological truth.  All life, from the smallest fruit fly to the greatest mammoth and basilosaurus, and everything in between, will all find newness and resurrection in the time to come.  For now, I am thankful to be receiving a small preview of this new life with the slow, gentle resurrection in my frozen grief brain.

I will do my best to write here once a week, both to walk with you and to record my own journey of resurrection.

Photo by Trista Wynne - Zombie 5K -- Dayton, OR -- October 2013 

A Zombie Learns to Love

Greetings, dear ones!

I apologize that it has been so long since I've posted here.  I have been more faithful with my prayer blog over the last several months, so I hope you have been enjoying the posts there.  

Perhaps I ought to post something on independence.  People across my country are likely posting about that today. I don't want to talk about independence and the pride of the motherland, though.  I want to address an issue of interdependence -- let's talk about love.

During much of my life, I have witnessed people around me being willing to give up everything that they are, and everything that they have, in order to please someone else.  These martyrs-of-sorts (admittedly used to be one, thinking that I was following the "proper" way of the Christian) will cease to have opinions about things because it will cause tension. They will not speak up when they feel violated. They do not listen to the internal voice that says the other is harmful to be around, and they are often attracted to the very people who will take advantage of their willingness to give.  

"Zombie Love" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This is life-taking-zombie-love, dear ones.  This is not the life-giving love that Christ offers.  This is not the rejuvenating way of the Beloved.

Loving others is not the same as allowing ourselves to become door mats. We do need to listen to the intuitive part of ourselves that lets us know whether a person is safe or whether they would be harmful or toxic for us to be around on a regular basis. If we allow others to hurt us, (particularly if we allow continuous abuse in verbal, physical or sexual forms) then we are allowing the other person's spirit to destroy itself and we are not caring for ourselves. Self-effacement is not love. True love includes self-care.

What's in our Eyes?

I've been writing more often in my prayer blog lately than on here, but today's awful events bring me back into the realm of violence, theology and questions.  I posted in the prayer blog about a shooting that happened in the nearby Clackamas Town Center earlier this week.  Now, only a few days later we hear about a terrible tragedy in Connecticut.

Images, sound clips and heart-breaking accounts of today's events leave us feeling numb and hopeless.  A steady stream of political posturing and religious rants have been flooding my Facebook news feed all day.  It is sad how quickly we can manipulate a tragedy into a tool for our own agendas.  We have violence towards one another in our eyes.

We have a hard time simply sighing as a nation and grieving together.  We are immediately looking for someone or something to blame.  (Yes, I include myself in this.  I said, "we".  Although I refrained from posting throughout the day, my mind went all over, too...)  We have destruction in our eyes.

Tonight, though, as the reactions begin to simmer down and the soul searching begins, I am reminded that perfect love casts out fear.

A Zombie's Look at the Important Things

Yesterday marks one month since I moved to Portland from Seattle.  This is my childhood home, where both my husband and I were born and raised.

It has certainly been a full month with lots of transitions! Plenty of mental acrobatics have come about as my internal maps of the area have been accessed and modified from the shifting roads during our seven years away. And since it's taken my MEW several weeks to get transferred down here as well, we've been adjusting both to life apart at first and now to life together again.

Our kitties are settling in well and very much enjoying being on the first floor where they have the ability, (much to our dismay and, at times, amusement) to dart out the door onto the nearby grass as we arrive home with arms full from work. It's nice to have a washer and dryer in our unit - we only had this once in our 10 years of married life - and the cats are learning that these are not scary sounds. Our apartment is mostly unpacked, (although there are still a few boxes in the office/guest room yet to be opened) and we have given several crate fulls to Goodwill now that we have time to sort our stuff.

We are releasing the hoarding zombie-like tendency so prevalent in our society.

I Live, and the Light Shines!

Grace and peace to you, dear ones!

I know it's been a long time since I posted last.  We've been in process of moving from Seattle to Portland for a month now.  Finally both me and my husband are settling into our new jobs and our two kitties are settling into their new apartment.  We have an office that is in disarray at the moment, but most of the rest of our apartment is quite nice and well put together.

Tonight, not a long post, but a bit of a reflection on Max Brooks' World War Z.  I picked up the book the first year it was published, but was unable to get very far because I had to focus my attention towards my studies.  Now that I have fully graduated, (just waiting for grades to officially post from the summer and then the degree to come in the mail a month or so later!) I now have enough brain energy to focus on this delightful book once more.

My Brain's a Bit Occupied

Grace and peace to you, dear ones!

You've come here looking for brains! You're a perfect addition to this theological zombie blog!  Just as in Jesus' arms, all are welcome here!

Just so you are aware, my brain is on hiatus at the moment.  Or rather, it is otherwise occupied with wrapping up my summer internship and last online class while preparing (along with my husband and two kitties) to move from the Seattle area to Portland.  All of this transition is coming to pass within two weeks, so please check back for new posts sometime in September.

For now, I invite you to enjoy the pictures we captured at the Red, White & Dead Zombie Walk in Seattle this summer.  And please do peruse the older posts (here's one from July which I neglected to share on Twitter) and photos as well.  Looking forward to re-engaging your brains in a few weeks!

In the Day of Trouble: A Psalm for Zombies

While reading the office for this evening at DailyOffice.org I found myself highly intrigued by Psalm 27.

Imagine yourself surrounded by a hoard of walkers or zombies and clinging to life by a hair's breath.



Smell the stench of rotting flesh.  Hear the moans of hungry foes.  See the flickering candle, your only source of light in the deep night.  Taste the salty sweat dripping down your face from your brow line.  And then read the psalm below...

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom then shall I fear? *
the LORD is the strength of my life;
of whom then shall I be afraid?

When evildoers came upon me
to eat up my flesh, *
it was they, my foes and my adversaries,
who stumbled and fell.
Though an army should encamp against me, *
yet my heart shall not be afraid;
And though war should rise up against me, *
yet will I put my trust in him.

One thing have I asked of the LORD;
one thing I seek; *
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life;
To behold the fair beauty of the LORD *
and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble
he shall keep me safe in his shelter; *
he shall hide me in the secrecy of his dwelling
and set me high upon a rock.

Even now he lifts up my head *
above my enemies round about me.
Therefore I will offer in his dwelling
an oblation with sounds of great gladness; *
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Can you imagine, dear ones, what it must have been like for the psalmist?  When they composed this song of love and trust they must have been in the midst of a terrible war!  Yet even in the midst of crisis, they raise this song of praise knowing that God is truly the One who will deliver them.

Are we, in the midst of our daily struggles, able to offer such praises?  Can we sing songs of trust and love while we are surrounded by terrors of the night?  I desire with all of my heart to say yes.  I want to stretch my hands up in the air and trust that God will deliver me from the pains and struggles of this life.

Let's pray, dear ones, that we might experience the uplifting of our minds so that we, too, can sing with joy in the midst of the trial.  Let us run to the holy places where the Spirit of God is magnified, so we might feast on our Maker rather than one another.  Let us gather in the sanctuaries and be renewed by the Living God who enters into our midst and brings peace to us - body, mind and soul. 

Let us sing and make music before the Lord.  And then, dear ones, let us go into the hoard and do our best to offer the antidote of Christ to our zombie brethren, for we all know what it is like to have a hunger for flesh.  But we know the One who can fully satisfy this hunger and bring us (and all to whom we minister) peace and life to the fullest measure.